Most of us are familiar with the story of Krisha Gotami, the woman who upon the death of her young child went to Buddha and asked for his help. He instructed her to go to each house in the village until she found a family that had not experienced death and to ask of that family a mustard seed. She was then to bring the mustard seed back to Buddha.

　　She went from house to house but was unable to find any household that had not been touched by death. As she continued to search for a family untouched by death it gradually occurred to her that death was universal. There was not a family that had not experienced death. Everyone dies and realization was her first glimpse of the nature of impermanence and the futility of grasping.

　　Losing a loved-one through death can be a dark and difficult time, and for some perhaps the most difficult time we are to face during our lifetime. Often, the threatened loss of someone dear can provoke more fear than a perceived loss of our own self, especially when it involves the loss of a child. But as in the case of Krisha Gotami, children do die. As do parents. As do spouses. As do siblings.

　　However, the most precious Dharma has provided a path to gradually develop the perspective and insight not only to endure, but to learn from our losses, and to find and maintain the inner peace and happiness that comes from the wisdom and compassion of the Buddha.

　　One of the first teachings that we are taught is that of impermanence. This teaching is very clear and we are taught to look for ourselves at this impermanence and how it affects everyone universally. By the recognition of impermanence we obtain the true picture that shows us that everyone suffers at the hands of death and once we accept this, the natural progression becomes one of learning how to let go. Recognition of this need to let go brings us to a different perspective.

　　We learn to see how futile it is to grasp and the more that we can embrace the idea of impermanence, the easier it is to let go in times of personal loss. When this realization becomes anchored firmly in place, we then through our practice and training, learn to turn our loss outwardly into compassion - compassion for others who have also experienced the sadness of death, and compassion for those who have not yet realized the truth of impermanence and nonattachment.

　　Buddha has given us the teachings that allow us to turn the darkness of grasping and attachment into the light of compassion. When we experience a loss, through our training and practice we are able to experience the loss, but at the same time, experience it through the perspective of one who understands impermanence and is able to still see the sky through the clouds.

　　（相信我們多數都聽過瞿曇彌的故事。當這位母親的孩子不幸早夭時，她一路奔往精舍向佛陀去求救。佛陀告訴她，如果她能到村子裡，從一個從未死過人的家庭中，要到一粒芥菜籽，帶著這個芥菜籽來找佛陀，佛陀就能解救她的孩子。

　　於是她挨家挨戶地詢問，始終找不到一戶死神從來沒有降臨過的人家。在不斷的尋找中，慢慢地，她明白了，死亡是必然的。世界上，沒有任何一家人沒有經歷過死亡。每一個人都會死，這讓她開始了解到什麼是無常，同時她也明白了執著是徒勞無功的。

　　面對至親的死亡、失去所愛，可能是一段灰暗困苦的日子。甚至對某些人來說，這是他們一生中最為艱苦的時光。通常，害怕失去親人的感覺遠比失去自己的生命更令人恐懼，特別是當一個人失去了自己的孩子。但是，就如同在瞿曇彌的公案所見，小孩會往生，正如我們的父母、 配偶、兄弟姐妹也會往生一樣。

　　然而，佛法最珍貴之處，就是教我們如何洞悉一切，從而悟入正知正見。這不只是去忍受失去親人的痛苦，更要從失去至親中學習，以達到由佛陀的智慧和慈悲所帶來的清淨與法喜。

　　無常是我們最初學到的佛法教義之一。當我們學會用無常的眼光去看待自己，學會認清無常是公平地降臨到每個人身上，而能坦然接受它時，就能清楚地看到，事實上，我們每個人都在死亡的手上掙扎。一旦能如實地接受它，我們自然就了解如何真正地放下。當我們認識到必須放下時，就學會了用一種全新的角度來看待人生。

　　當我們愈能如實地認知無常，了解執著是無益時，在失去至親的當下，就愈容易放下。當無常的觀念在心中扎根時，藉由修行的薰習，我們便能將失去外在親人的痛苦轉化為內在的慈悲。這種轉化是對那些經歷同樣死亡傷慟者的大慈，是對那些不懂無常和放下的人的大悲。

　　佛陀的教法，讓我們將執著的黑暗轉化成慈悲的光明。當我們失去至親所愛，我們要學會在感受有所失去的同時，能以無常觀，如實地去看待一切。穿透烏雲，藍天依然可見。）